How To Pass A Pregnancy Scare Shit Test

Don’t know if this is an appropriate comment, but I’ve got a real life real shit test example from before I married when my eventual wife played this shit test on me and timed it like a pro.

Early on, she’s hassling me about unprotected sex that didn’t go her way, and decides to fuck with me. I’m already pretty stressed out trying to find a job for after I graduate college, and I need a “head shot” for the college recruiter’s file. I ask her to take a few photos, nothing special, just me against a plain wall, and she takes this moment to tell me she’s missed her period. She’s fucking lying through her teeth, deadpan, totally smooth, and has me completely blindsided. I respond, “Let’s finish these photos first.” She proceeds to take the only pictures of me on earth that give the impression I’m anything but the most relaxed guy you’ve ever met. I look completely doomed, like somebody just told me I’ve got 10 minutes before I die from internal bleeding.

Now, I think it is worth noting that I’m now married to that shrewd and clever woman and my children are smarter than yours, so perhaps I “passed” the shit test, though, to be honest, all I recall saying after the truth was revealed (she let me off the hook after taking the pictures) was something similar to, “You really shouldn’t tease somebody who’ll have you’re back.”

Chateau Heartiste

nuke the phone from orbit

Superb alpha frame. Mucho lulzo. But not very effective. There’s really only one way to pass a pregnancy shit test.

Disappear.

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