Ego Stroking

After a friend shared a detail of her divorce, I realized I ought to discuss a similar set of feelings with a lover. While I am confident she believes I love and adore her (which I do; not the point), 24 hours later I’m convinced I ‘ve merely stroked her ego enough to restore her confidence in our relationship and my interest in her (feelings, happiness, fulfillment?) until her next existential crisis. More to the point, while this conversation was her moment to be heard, she’s clearly not considering what I want out of our relationship except in the context of her hurt feelings. It gets tiresome. I thought I’d escaped my parents’ home, but apparently it’s a travelling circus with many troupes.

Reader, this is one of the few times I invite you to call me an ass. After all, my life isn’t merely drama-free: it reads like stereo instructions.

5 responses to “Ego Stroking

  1. “I thought I’d escaped my parents’ home, but apparently it’s a travelling circus with many troupes”. You’re right!. We all get the illusion that changing place, people, environment, problems will go away. In some circumstances they actually go away. Most of the time they won’t unless we face the problem(s) in realistic ways and search/find realistic solutions. Because, very often, it is not outside but inside ourselves where the weather is unbearable. In other words: wherever we go, we take with us our own circus and all its angels and beasts. Just my opinio for what is worth.

  2. Welcome! Sign up for an account here at WordPress! Blogging is not required.

    I already heard what’s wrong with me from my lover. The veracity of her claims is not disputed; their impact on her life and our relationship is disputed. My relationship with this particular lover spans 20 years. The issue is not my failure to change; she claims that I have changed so much she has trouble keeping pace. This isn’t a surprising complaint since I’ve heard it from her before, but I wonder at it nonetheless. At this point in my life, the majority of my relationships are over a decade old, new relationships not withstanding. Looking back on the last two decades, most of my internal changes seem to be part of an inexorable arc that I might have predicted in my younger days had I been thoughtful enough to examine my nature instead of working to improve my demeanor. This is, perhaps, what frustrates me. I have changed for her benefit – sometimes with calculable personal cost – whereas her expectations and behavior has not changed one whit.

    So, Vero, I think you’re right, but you’ve got the wrong person. I am not the man who left my parent’s home 20 years ago; I wonder if she’s the same woman I met not long before that. I suspect she is. I can live with that, but can she keep me as a lover when I have changed so much?

      • Of course there’s more about you in the blog 🙂 I was just stating how I felt. Also, I don’t know that I will trudge through your archives. I’m a shitty reader like that. Unless there’s a good post that sums it up? Like, are you married? Are you single? Are you wrapped up in a complicated relationship? Are you a “fill in the blank”?

        I look forward to learning more.

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